the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
