if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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