so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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