I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
