I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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