Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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