I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
