so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
