Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Pants are for mortals
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