so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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