remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
