did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
