Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
