Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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