Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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