I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
