That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
