My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
