I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Alive.
So much puke
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
