At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
