lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
