you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
