Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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