Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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