You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
