do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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