Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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