if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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