I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
