I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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