I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
