I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
