Old men and throwing up are my life now.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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