So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
