She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
that may or may not have been my penis.
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