its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
