Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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