There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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