I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
