i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
