I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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