Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
