Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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