Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
