I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
