Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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