She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
