Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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