I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
