I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
MIDGETS
????
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
