I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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