oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
