I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
