omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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